Your Role in Creating Zero Tolerance of DSGBV

Stories > Your Role in Creating Zero Tolerance of DSGBV

Ireland must take a zero-tolerance approach to domestic, sexual and gender-based violence (DSGBV) and that demands that we challenge the social norms that allow DSGBV to persist. We all have a role in sending a clear message that we will no longer tolerate or excuse such acts of violence. We must demand better. Victims and survivors of DSGBV must know that they are not alone in dealing with what happened to them and that we all stand with them.

If you want stories like those shown in this campaign to be a thing of the past there is a lot you can do to make that happen. The following is not a definitive list of all that is needed to eliminate DSGBV but it’s a good start.

The most important thing you can do is recognise your role in creating zero-tolerance to DSGBV, even if you or the people you care about have not been subjected to it. Be aware that there are people out there with similar stories to those depicted in this campaign who have never told anyone their story. Be ready to help them if they need someone to turn to. Be willing to take a stand and show that you reject the things that allow DSGBV to persist in our society.

Learn how you can help make Ireland a society free from domestic, sexual and gender-based violence.

One of the most powerful things you can do to tackle DSGBV is to inform yourself on the subject. Many people think that domestic violence is something that happened in the past but not so much anymore, which is not true. There are thousands of people in Ireland who are currently being subjected to domestic violence in their home. Many people think sexual violence is exaggerated and something people make up, but our courts are full of cases of horrific sexual violence. By informing yourself of the facts of DSGBV you can challenge the people who deny it is a big issue. You can shine a light on a subject that thrives in darkness. You can say to victims: I see you, I care, and I am here for you.

Sexual Violence

According to the 2022 Sexual Violence Study taken by the Central Statistics Office (CSO), 52% of the women surveyed had experienced sexual violence in their lifetime. Of those women, 49% did not disclose what had happened to them to anyone else. As that study was designed to measure the prevalence of sexual violence in Ireland, that means that the evidence shows that 1 out of every 2 women in Ireland have experienced sexual violence and half of those didn’t feel they could tell anyone else about it. Think about the women in your life and know that many of them have their own story of DSGBV that they have never shared.

Twenty-eight per-cent of men that took part in the study had experienced sexual violence in their lifetime and again half of those never told anyone about it. The study also found that men experience sexual violence as a child (22%) at a rate which was almost double the rate as an adult (12%). Think of your county’s hurling team and know that it is statistically likely that four of the players on that team have experienced sexual violence and most likely experienced it as a child.

Domestic Violence

When it comes to the levels of domestic violence in Ireland, the statistics are less clear. The last prevalence study into domestic violence in Ireland was carried out in 2005 and found that in the region of 213,000 women and 88,000 men in Ireland have been severely abused by a partner. As that study is nearly 20 years old, we cannot know for sure how those figures stack up today. The CSO is now working on a domestic violence survey to provide more accurate prevalence data, to follow from the sexual violence study. The new CSO domestic violence study, which Cuan is providing a supporting role in its development, is due to be published in 2028.

As domestic violence is such as hidden crime, until we have the new prevalence study it is hard to say what the true levels of domestic violence in Ireland currently are. An Garda Síochána report that one in four women and one in seven men are victims of domestic violence. A recent EU wide study into gender-based violence, which surveyed women in Ireland, reports that 35% of women in Ireland have experienced physical violence, threats, sexual violence and psychological violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

Domestic Violence and Young People

Domestic violence does not just happen in long-term relationships. Women’s Aid run the “Too into You” campaign to highlight domestic violence that happens during the earlier stages of relationships. As part of the campaign Women’s Aid report that in Ireland, one in five young women and one in eleven young men aged 18-25 have been abused by their partner or ex. Of the young women subjected to abuse: 51% first experienced the abuse under the age of 18; nine out of ten were subjected to emotional abuse and one in three never spoke to anyone else about what they experienced.

Until relatively recently, discussions of domestic violence focused mainly on the adults who were involved. When children were mentioned, it was usually in the context of ‘witnessing’ domestic violence in their home. Thanks to research carried out in recent years however, especially research that began to ask children themselves what it was like living in a home where domestic violence was happening, we now know children don’t just witness the domestic violence, they experience it. The 2023 Women’s Aid Annual Impact Report reported that Women’s Aid had 4,253 disclosures of domestic abuse against children; 4,253 harrowing stories of living with domestic violence that no child should have to tell.

Building zero-tolerance to DSGBV is not just being there for victims/survivors when they are ready to seek help, it is about shaping the environment around them to make it easier for them to do so. We all need to learn the red flags that people who are subjected to DSGBV might show in order to be ready to be a part of the solution. Warning signs of domestic or sexual violence are not pleasant to consider. Some of the following text is difficult to read, but we must inform ourselves to be able to recognise the signs and help those who need support.

Be advised that not all victims/survivors of DSGBV will behave the same, so the following information should only be used for illustrative purposes and should not be taken as true for every person subjected to DSGBV.

Signs of Domestic Violence

If you are concerned that someone you know is a victim of domestic violence they may show the following signs:

• They may be anxious to please their partner.
• They seem afraid of their partner, talking about their temper, possessiveness, or jealousy.
• They seem isolated or restricted from seeing family and friends or you never see them without their partner.
• They have limited access to money or a car.
• They receive constant calls from their partner.
• They are missing work.
• They are depressed, anxious, or suicidal.

There are times we may come across a situation between strangers or people we do not know very well but does not sit easy us and could be an incident of domestic violence. In that situation you may have a limited amount of time to assess the situation but that does not mean it is okay to ignore it or look away. There are some warning signs that such situations might be abusive If the person suspected of being an abuser is:

• Acting excessively jealous of their partner.
• Insulting or embarrassing their partner in public.
• Yelling at or trying to intimidate their partner.

Or the person you suspect of being a victim of domestic violence is:

• Acting afraid of their partner.
• Acting submissive.
• Showing physical injuries or wearing unusual clothing as if to hide an injury (ie, sunglasses indoors or long sleeves in summer).

Signs of Sexual Violence

It is important to avoid the assumption that all survivors of sexual violence will react in the same way after experiencing assault or rape. Such assumptions can lead to harmful situations where victims are blamed for not responding as expected. The following are potential signs that someone may have experienced sexual violence, though not all survivors will exhibit them.

• Becoming unusually anxious, nervous, or fearful about situations that previously didn’t cause such reactions;
• Avoiding certain places, people, or environments that once felt safe or normal;
• Feeling persistently low or depressed, with changes in eating or sleeping habits, withdrawing from normal activities, or having an overall sense of being "down";
• Engaging in harmful behaviours, expressing suicidal thoughts, or acting in ways that suggest suicidal tendencies;
• Exhibiting sexualized behaviours that seem uncharacteristic for them;
• Showing physical signs of injury, such as bruises, soreness, trouble sitting or walking, bleeding, or symptoms of sexually transmitted infections (STIs);
• Struggling with poor self-image or attempting to regain control over their body or appearance, such as through extreme weight fluctuations, self-injury, or eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia;
• Not performing as well at school, work, or in other areas of life as they did before;
• Or resorting to increased use of alcohol or drugs to cope with overwhelming emotions

If you are concerned about someone you think may be experiencing domestic or sexual violence, there is a lot you can do to help. It is ok to not know what to do. It is ok to feel uncomfortable about getting involved. It is ok to feel overwhelmed. However, it is not okay to turn a blind eye to it. Not anymore.

If you have spotted signs that have made you uncomfortable and wonder if someone is a victim/survivor of DSGBV, then go with your gut instinct. Don’t wait for them to approach you but look for a private moment when you can express concern and let them know they are not alone and that you are there to support them. Do not confront their abuser as you will put yourself and them in danger by doing so. If you think they are in immediate danger speak to An Garda Síochána or ring one of the national domestic violence helplines.

The most important thing you can do to help someone is to provide emotional support and listen to them if they are ready to talk to you. Be aware that talking about experiencing DSGBV is incredibly difficult, and they may not be ready to talk to you about it. DSGBV if often about power and control and the person you are concerned about may resist wanting to talk about what has happened or might just not be able to yet. That is perfectly okay and do not force them.

If someone does disclose to you that they are a victim of DSGBV, tell them you believe them and just listen to whatever they want to say to you. It is important that you are supportive and not judgemental. Just tell them you are concerned and that no matter what has happened to them, none of it is their fault. Provide information on supports available but do not advise them. Don’t just tell them to leave the relationship. The most dangerous time for someone suffering domestic violence is when they leave. They will know the best time to do that. Tell them you will go with them to get support.

There are many organisations throughout Ireland that everyday offer life changing help and support to victims/survivors of DSGBV. They provide a range of services from emotional support, crisis intervention and emergency housing to counselling and legal advocacy.

DSGBV support organisations offer a compassionate, non-judgmental environment where survivors can begin to heal and regain control of their lives. Trained professionals and volunteers help guide individuals through the often-overwhelming process of reporting incidents, seeking medical care, and navigating the legal system, ensuring they have the support they need at every step.

Supporting organisations that assist victims of DSGBV is vital because they provide resources and services to those who need it most. By contributing to or advocating for such organisations, you can play an important role in creating a society that actively works to prevent violence and support survivors in their healing journey. By offering your support, you can help amplify the voices of survivors, promote justice, and ensure these organisations have the resources to continue their critical work.

One of the most impactful actions you can take is volunteer your time and skills to get trained to be able to provide support to victims and survivors of DSGBV. Everyday volunteers on the national DSGBV helplines are the first people to hear someone’s individual story of DSGBV. Volunteers throughout Ireland sit beside victims of domestic violence who are attending court to seek a protection order for the first time. They bring people to Sexual Assault Treatment Units after rape or sexual assault so they don’t have to do so on their own.

You can support DSGBV support services by fundraising on their behalf. You can take part in sponsored walks or marathons or by holding events in your local community. Many of the organisations can provide you with support in how to do so and the funds that they receive goes to having a positive impact on the lives of those who use their services. It can also be an incredibly rewarding experience for you.

You can help DSGBV support services to spread awareness and advocate for victims and survivors. You can follow them on social media and help spread their message both online and off.

Every year you can take part in the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-based Violence which will see events happening throughout Ireland. The more voices that take part in the 16 Days campaign the louder the message gets.

Building a society that has zero-tolerance of DSGBV is going to take many steps and many individual actions. We can all help build it by looking at our own environments and seeing what changes we can introduce to make it more supportive for victims of DSGBV. Some examples of how we can do this are:

• Ask if your workplace has sexual harassment or domestic violence leave policies. Under legislation, victims-survivors of domestic violence have a statutory entitlement to 5 days of domestic violence leave in any consecutive 12 months.
• Find out if your workplace provides practical guidance and training for managers and HR professionals to recognize and respond to employees affected by domestic violence.
• If you are in college or university, get in touch with the Sexual Violence Prevention and Response team and ask if you can help.
• Regularly promote awareness of DSGBV support services on your social media or on notice boards where you work or live.

Look around your environment through a lens of zero-tolerance of DSGBV and ask yourself if it is a friendly environment for a vulnerable person who has been subjected to DSGBV. If it is not; take action to change that. We can build a society free from DSGBV through incremental change, one step at a time.

If Ireland is to reach zero-tolerance to DSGBV we all need to show zero-tolerance in our everyday lives. We have all been part of conversations, or seen things, that we know are not right but just ignored it as we didn’t want to make a scene or be seen as “not one of the boys”. We all know someone who likes to shock by saying vulgar sexual jokes or offensive things about women. We say, “ah don’t mind him, he doesn’t mean it that way”. Sometimes they don’t really mean it but sometimes they really do. We need to reject the notion that many people still think it’s okay to make sexually inappropriate comments to others just going about their lives.

Have you ever seen something on a night out and it didn’t feel right? Have you ever seen someone obviously very drunk, and wondered if they are able to actually consent to what is happening. Have you ever been part of a Whatsapp group where someone is sharing intimate images of someone else, and everyone is just laughing along with it? Sexual Violence doesn’t just happen; wolf-whistling, catcalling, sexist jokes, ‘slut shaming’ and more lay the foundations of a culture where sexual violence is allowed to thrive.

If you hear someone making sexually inappropriate comments that make you feel uncomfortable; call them out on it and make them feel uncomfortable. If you see someone question, why a rape victim “went back with him in the first place”, or discuss what they were wearing when it happened, question them on why that should matter. We never ask what a robbery victim was wearing so why do we do it to women who has been subjected to sexual violence? Have you ever heard someone ask, “why doesn’t she just leave him?” when its seems that the relationship is abusive? If you do, tell them to look up what ‘coercive control’ is which might answer the question for them.

Vocally support progressive sexual education in schools and the changes currently being made to the new Social, Personal and Health Education (SPHE) that will help young people feel empowered to create, nurture and maintain respectful and loving relationships. Sexual education equips children and young people with the knowledge, skills, attitudes and values that help them to protect their health, develop respectful social and sexual relationships, make responsible choices and understand and protect the rights of others.

If we all use our voice to question and reject the precursors to domestic and sexual violence, then we will make Ireland a safer place for all. If we all speak out against disrespectful and harmful attitudes or actions that can condone and normalise violence against women, then those that carry it out will feel ashamed, rather than those that are subjected to it. If we are vocal in how we are willing to support victims/survivors of DSGBV, someone suffering in silence may hear that and feel more comfortable reaching out for help.

Take an active role in advocating for victims/survivors of DSGBV, even if you don’t know any personally. Women’s Aid have recently launched a campaign calling on men to become allies in ending gender inequality and gender-based violence. They have created a straightforward, practical guide to show how men can play a key role in ending violence against women which can be found at Ally Action List - Women's Aid.

Consent is an essential part of healthy, respectful, safe and enjoyable sexual experiences. It is important to know that we all have the right to negotiate consent, making sure that when we engage in sexual activity, it is a safe, fun and enjoyable experience for everyone involved. Consent is about treating the other person with empathy and respect, not as some kind of quest to be conquered.

We need to change outdated stereotypes about how men and women are supposed to act when it comes to sex and sexuality. These might include beliefs like men should always “want it” and women should not “want it” too much or that men are responsible for moving sexual encounters forward, and that women should resist up until a certain point or they will seem too eager.

Talking about consent can be awkward at first but the more you do it, the easier it gets. People express boundaries in different ways and that’s ok. There are many reasons why it can be difficult for someone to “just say no” to a sexual advance or to express that they are unsure. The absence of a “No” is not automatically a “Yes”. The more you talk, the more you get to know the person you are with, and the more you know about yourself.

Start conversations, share knowledge, and be advocates for a culture where consent is not only understood, but practiced as a positive element within our relationships. By talking openly and honestly about sexual consent, the objective is to create a society where everybody can feel comfortable discussing their boundaries, desires and expectations when it comes to their sexual relationships.

Cuan runs the Item was unpublished or removed campaign to change attitudes to consent by making consent more personal and relevant across the spectrum of sexual relationships and to build a positive understanding of consent by getting people thinking about what consent, as a positive force, means to them in terms of how they engage with and treat others and how they themselves are treated by others. You can learn more about consent by going to Item was unpublished or removed

We live in a society where phrases like “boys will be boys” or “just locker room talk” is used to excuse problematic sexual behaviour against women. Why do we accept these concepts that state that being a man is defined by violence, sex, and aggression?

We know that most men are not violent towards women and are not sexual predators. So why should we allow the few men who are like this say how all men are supposed to act? We all need to embrace and promote positive ideas about masculinity and reject voices online that promote a warped sense of masculinity that is based on misogyny.

Rape myths are harmful and inaccurate beliefs about rape and sexual assault that lead to misguided judgments about survivors. These myths are often spread because it's easier for people to believe that the survivor did something to provoke the assault, which gives them a false sense of security, thinking they can avoid such a fate. However, survivors are never at fault for the actions of the perpetrator. Sexual assault is a crime, and the responsibility rests solely with the offender.

These beliefs are often deeply misinformed and unhelpful to the victim, compounding the impact of the assault. They deny the reality of rape and sexual assault. Very commonly, they minimise its impact and seek to place responsibility for the assault on the victim. They protect the perpetrator and allow abusive behaviours to go unchallenged. And they are not borne out in evidence.

The Dublin Rape Crisis Centre has published a paper that dispels rape myths which you can read and use to fight against those that spread them, either knowingly or not.

Domestic, sexual and gender-based violence is a multifaceted issue, with intersecting factors such as sex, gender, race, disability, sexuality, nationality and socio-economic status contributing to diverse experiences of violence.

We know that DSGBV happens across all of society and in all communities, however that does not mean that all victims/survivors of DSGBV are treated equally. Social biases influence how society perceives survivors of DSGBV, and stereotypes often create barriers for accessing justice, care and support.

An example of intersectionality in terms of DSGBV can be found in the additional issues people face in the LGBT+ community. Interpersonal Violence, is the term often used by people in the community to describe abuse in an intimate relationship.

A specific type of abuse that victim-survivors of Interpersonal Violence may face is to be threatened with being ‘outed’ as a method of control. There are other specific types of abuse associated with sexual orientation or gender-identity such an abusive partner not accepting the others bisexuality or uses incorrect pronouns against their partner. Interpersonal Violence in the LGBT community is not well recognised.

Taking an intersectional approach to DSGBV recognises it is a problem that requires consideration of all parts of an individual’s identity to ensure equality of outcome for all.